This year I was privileged to hear high school graduation speeches and a memorial for a family patriarch within one twenty-four hour period. Graduation and funeral speeches are rarely remembered exactly — we are all too caught up in the moment, moments of them do crystalize across time.
A high school valedictorian at an honors academy gave a speech that made me sad. She seemed to think we are meaningless dust in an uncaring universe and she urged the students to “make their own happiness”. Unsurprisingly then, she admitted she had spent most days the last four years waiting to go home, and yet she was loathe to leave her school. She suggested most of the students felt like this and if they claim her view of life purpose, I can see why. I wondered how she found the drive to become valedictorian, a mighty feat in her very competitive school. If it was others (e.g., parents) providing the drive as she made it sound, I am both surprised that it worked and fearful for what will be left as that force attenuates.
For me, the most important thing I learned as a teen is who I was in relation to the universe. Specifically, we are fiercely and wonderfully made by a loving creator with whom I could have a real living relationship. I questioned that learning along the way — experimented with denying it for seasons of life — but in the end I came back to it. For while the valedictorian is right that she was dust and will be again, this brief endurance event called life has meaning. Most who try to manufacture happiness fail, and those who live to serve others end up satisfied. I wish I could have taken her to the memorial I next headed toward.
At the memorial, Robin Irizarry recalled Edgar Allen Irizarry, before he grew sick, as saying, “You know, I’m OK if you die today.” Robin was taken aback, not sure about that thought. Now that Edgar had triggered Robin’s thinking, he went on “I’m OK if I die today. I have a relationship with God and I’ve been true to what I love, and I have no regrets.” Other family members went on to say in different ways what counts is our relationship to God and each other, and how Edgar was a role model for each to them.
That’s what I wish all those high school graduates could have heard. Some other leaders at college commencements also spoke closer to the mark. President Obama said on change: “In particular it requires listening to those with whom you disagree and being prepared to compromise.” Charlie Rose said, “Know your passion. Live it now. Live it urgently.”
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