Proposing a Complementarian Egalitarian Ceasefire
The whole Tim Keller can’t have the Abraham Kuyper prize mess suggests we rethink terms. The modern day centrist “complementarians” arguing that their system is not historically correlated with what-we-now-call-abuse rings of wishful thinking, like the souls that used to try to defend “good” slave masters when slavery needed to go.
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It is historical fact that women were treated as property when the scriptures at the base of the Biblical model of manhood and womanhood were written — even though that Biblical model helped to outdate that notion, and even though marraige started before the fall. A woman’s role in Bible times had a lot more to it — in labor and in other ways associated with having a body that may produce children — than the 1950’s housewife model that some complementarians seem to yearn for. The housewife model of a woman over-constrained what women’s roles historically have been and was never the only type of woman admired in scripture.
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It is historical fact that Abraham Kuyper’s own testimony in the 1800’s encourages the very absolute rule of men over their wives that the current Coalition for Biblical Sexuality disowns as abusive. People like John Piper, alive now and so far as I know unwilling to change position, claim to be complementarians and do not support women in civil positions of leadership over men. It would be more honest to own up to this history as flawed, to admit historical and current correlation with abuses, abuses decidedly not necessary or desirable to uphold scriptural views of sexuality. How is it that the very people that recognize absolute power corrupts absolutely in government do not seem to recognize that is how their approach to marriage is abused?
On the other side, “egalitarians” are completely dependent on technology to work as a prosthetic to enable a world where their views operate effectively. Without feminine hygiene products, birth control, and machines that make many jobs in the home doable with less time, and many jobs outside the home doable without the greater upper body strength of a man, their views would seem outlandish. In fact they do seem outlandish for exactly this reason outside of first world regions, and in many job categories that still call for physical strength. However, just because a structure requires a prosthetic to operate does not make it sinful or in contradiction to scripture. We recognize the value of prosthetics to increase capability in many other environments.
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N. T. Wright is helpful when he notes that the root “complement” is just too good a description of how men and women fit together to give it up entirely. Jesus asks us pray his kingcom come his will be done on earth as it is heaven, and Paul says there is no woman or man in Christ. And yet we know the kingdom is not fully come. Both sides could recognize what we have as the end in mind is something we have not completely mastered yet. We want to celebrate how men and women complement each other, and not to deny any roles to people for which they are qualified. Neither side should get away with enabling or condoning abuse.
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Much as monasteries and convents preserve a way of life for our Christian reference, traditional complementarian marraiges may come to do the same. We may not all be called to them, but we can all respect them, insofar as they are not abusive. People are called to complementarian marraige, much as people called to be monks and nuns. But it won’t necessarily be everyone, or even all Christian marriages, and that doesn’t necessarily mean the others aren’t living scripture based Christian lives. Just as the Amish still wear head coverings because it says to in scripture, they are a witness to Biblical ways.
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There is deep irony in Keller not being given the Kuyper prize, for Kuyper himself was surely a complementarian. The school should rename the prize, and set their rules consistent with their current code of conduct. Meanwhile separately, the Coalition for Biblical Sexuality discerns a “Rule” for the marriages they currently call complementarian in their Danvers statement, much as Benedict’s rule calls Christians in community to something higher.
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There is also deep irony in powerful men using scripture as an excuse to claim marriage and church power prejudices must continue everywhere because scripture makes an analogy to Christ’s headship of the church. If that argument was essential our armies would have to use Roman swords and wear Roman sandals because Ephesians speaks of them in an analogy to our spiritual armor. John Cotton taught that when Jesus taught about a merchant’s pearl he wasn’t condoning every aspect of merchant behavior, only the willingness to sacrifice everything for a great value.
Originally published on Medium in We are all Overcomers
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